Daughter

Engraved in your eyes
I found a forever home,
Sweet daughter of mine.

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Ache…

How do you conduct yourself when you feel like an abandoned house? Once precious laughter rang from every corner, now I am devoid of it. Since the glow of my world left, no light shines through the windows. The walls have become dull and yellowish. Bats and spiders have become the new tenants. They mock my sorrowful tunes, which have become hollow and lifeless without your silly grumpy complains. With a sliver of hope, I keep the door wide open, hoping that one day your roaming feet will find its way home. Everyday I disperse small pebbles of love for you to pick in case you are lost.

I fear the maze that has been built. It looks attractive with the green uniform hedges. I know, your innocent eyes will not detect the poisonous weeds burrowed inside. But I need you to see. Examine closely. Through the cracks of the stone path. Even the beautiful dandelion is a weed.

If only you knew, how hard I try to mow the lawn. Tend the flower beds. However difficult it may seem, to cut down the tangled dense thicket, I still do it. I do not mind the prickly thorns, as long as I can shield you.

And when I become overwhelmed, I paint my sadness on the canvas of wind. So it can evaporate to the gloomy clouds of my heart before anyone can have a glimpse. It will eventually pour down as tears of rain. I will lower my gaze with slumped shoulders, to wait. To wait for a long time. Waiting for the storm within me to subside.

They say time heals everything. When the arrow of ridicule pierce you over and over again with a never ending vengeance, then what do you do? What do you do when someone discovers your Achilles’ heel?

Yet with an unknown future, I never once regret for standing on your doorstep. To see your sweet smile. To be a part of your small world. To make a promise. I cannot always be present. But I will forever love you with all my heart. One day you will understand. From my unshed tears, I never showed you. From my ache, I never let you feel. From my prayers, that you never heard, and God being the only witness. From the special place in my heart, always vacant just for you. Because I believe I have an equal right over you.

Darling child, maybe someday you will understand the aching of a father.

A Tribute To Every Father

(Courtesy of MN)

Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (SAW) enlightened us on the importance of mothers. I can never doubt that nor do I disbelieve it. But I never had the privilege of knowing the motherly love. My parents became separated when I was very little. My siblings and I were brought up by my father with the help given by my grandmother. As an adult, I am now much closer to my father’s side of the family. And we are a proud pack.

I never heard my father ever mentioning how tired he gets when trying to do his best for us. We were a handful and each of us were different in nature. I still remember the genuine things that he had done for us. And I now know for a fact how hard it must have been.

He cooked meals. Good meals filled with love. I never went to school hungry. Sometimes he took time away from office just to cook before I went to school. Those days held happy memories. I still remember the first time I saw him cook. I was amazed and pleased. And I remember realizing that he’d never let us miss anything or anyone.

He came for my parents’ meetings. He was among the few fathers who came for their daughters. Parents’ meetings were full of mothers. Rarely did fathers come and mine was one of them. Not only his presence made a difference but he made an effort to know how I was doing in school. I used to look at the other children’s mothers. And then I’ll look up at my father, proudly holding his hands, knowing perfectly that I will never trade my father for anyone else.

He taught me to forgive. I share my stories with him. How some people can be so inconsiderate. The disappointments that I had to face. How some friends can let you down. About the bullies who tries on and on to make your life miserable. And I can only expect one advice in return. “It is not easy to forget but always try to forgive…”. This is not just hollow words from him. I have witnessed very closely how generous he is at forgiving others.

He gave me lessons on money. He told me about the hard times. How he started working at a very young age. How careful he was in spending it. About our house. What an accomplishment it had been to build our home without been indebted to anyone. He always said that one cannot value money unless he has earned it with his time and sweat.

He told me happiness comes within. That it was a blessing which I have to choose. To give myself the authority to find contentment. To look for the little things that I have and let go of the rest. To pray and ask. To have faith in my prayers. If it doesn’t happen then something much better was right around the corner.

He made me believe in myself. As I tread through the unknown, he always gave me hope. Sometimes I make him disappointed. And there are times that I’ve made him proud too. He has and is always there for me. Beaming in my happiness. Crying for my sorrows. Hearing me out and praying for my safety. Making me wait, when I’m confused, for the new sunshine of another day.

Let your fathers know how special they are. A little gesture will be enough. Show the appreciative smile to let them know that you are thankful for everything that they have done.

P.S. I sincerely want to dedicate this post to a young father who is fighting a constant battle everyday of his life for his daughter.